Category: Mysteries

Why Sidd & Dishin dominated 2016-17 Auctions?

Mathematically, these guys dominated because of the three commandments of fantasy football:

  • The best eleven must start most games
  • Have a great striker: Dishin had Kane plus Sidd had Costa
  • Have a great midfield: Dishin had Sanzhes plus Sidd had Alli/Eriksen

On top of that both had the top scoring defenders in Cahill & Alonso.

Look at Bharat’s team for example: he had Hazard plus Aguero but most of his players did not start and he finished at the bottom.


Premier League Auctions: Token System

There will be total of 2 x No. of player auctions tokens being sold, i.e

  • 6 players: 12 Tokens
  • 7 players: 14 Tokens

The two tokens will be part of the 20 players bought at the auctions.

After the auctions are over, everyone will have bought two tokens. Now say after the auctions Chelsea FC bought Bonucci. In the WhatsApp chat, we will auction Bonucci with the token system. Say Bharat had token 1, he has first preference to get Bonucci. If he passes, The Huss who has the second token can have him if he wants and so on.

Once The Huss buys Bonucci with his token, The Huss only has one token left. When new players are bought, we keep doing this in the chat with a one hour time limit for each player to make a decision.

This will of course be explained again at the auctions.



Premier League 2017-18 Auctions

Date: July 20th 2017 (4 pm onward)


  1. All players must buy 20 players at the auctions. Failing to do so will result in immediate expulsion from the auctions.
  2. All players must buy minimum 2 GK, 6 DEF, 6 MID and 3 FOR. Rest of the three players can be any classification.
  3. All points will be based on the official fantasy premier league game.
  4. All players start with a budget of 5,000 units.

Opening Price

All players have an opening price of 50 units. Hence all bids begin from 50 units for all players.


The best eleven players from your squad of 20 will be your final team as long as they fulfill a legitimate formation, again based on the official fantasy premier league game.

What to Bring on Auction Day

Wi-Fi will be there for all at the venue with food, toilet facilities, projector, power outlets. Highly recommend for all to being their tablets or laptops. Paper and pen will be provided at the venue.



Season 5 Game 5 Results

Ok, let us get the easy thing out of the way. It was 12-2 and at half-time it was 2-2 and then madness ensued and chaos reigned. So, we do what any intellectual would do: AN AUTOPSY

The Luck & Mo: Seriously, is there any more hurt that can be rained upon Mo than what has transpired against him in the last few weeks. In today’s teams he was miles the best player on the pitch: tracking back, breaking play, high stamina, high pressing, finding the open man but luck intervened and deserted him on the goals front. Two catch-up cards gone, hasn’t got a win yet – more over Lochness Monster, there is a bigger mystery in town.

The Swappy Conundrum: Let us approach this using historical data: In the past 4 seasons, Swappy has never finished out of the semi-finalists positions and 83% of the time captains who pick him win. Eighty *mutha fooking* time – that is a higher percentage than a man wearing black pants on his birthday. That is in other terms, a scary skewed statistic which highlights his greatness as well as the difficulty in designing something against him. 83 percent….sleep on that folks!

The Unsung Heroes: How good are Rajesh, Chirag and Bharat – like seriously. I demand a drug test. Seriously.

The Woman at All-Star: When men behave like they have never seen a beautiful woman, you pass it as someone going through puberty or sexually deprived. Grown ass middle-aged men falling and tripping over someone shut the front door already.

The back-pass wonder goal: Distraction by the opposite sex, Sir? No, no I am not looking ok here’s a pass back. Ooops. Romy scores an own goal. Enough Said.

All-Star, Ha! The Star is The Huss: One on one against an all star is not easy. But to match him pace for pace, shoulder to shoulder then get a shot away while leaving the keeper with no choice. PRICELESS. The Huss is a legend, deny it at your own peril.


In the end, just another week of football and like always, nothing happened. Nothing At All.


Season 5 Game 3 Results

A 6-1 scoreline was just that. A mauling at the hands of a superior team where each individual surpassed expectations while the other team dawdled and twiddled their thumbs.  Let me offer some more clarity:

Swappy: A man of the match performance for me where I see someone releasing his shortcomings and finding a new home in a new position. He excelled in all parts of the pitch and really I am a believer. #SwapArmy4Lif3. Still hasn’t scored for four weeks but who’ counting….not me!

Sidd: I have kept over a year now along with Bharat and both of us have never ever come close to a clean sheet. He marshalled his defence superbly and with intricate saves made clean sheets an easy thing. What a player – scores goals for fun and can add a clean sheet feather in his cap too. Superb performance! Yellow card was removed as the referee was having fun.

Rachit: No one hits a football as hard as this guy. No one. Brilliant play in midfield by him and unlocked the opposition defence to ensure the second half would be a breeze. Waited for Rajesh to recover when the others were busy pretending to score on target. A touch of class from a class player.

Chirag: Is there a better defender in the game at the moment? Is there someone who blocks more shots? No, there isn’t and this man should take a bow. Unbelievable defending.

Sachin & Bharat: Quiet, under-appreciated and they get the job done. Make no mistake these two are uncomplicated and do not waste time with glory hunting. So underrated that it is borderline criminal. More of the same please!

The Huss: You want this guy on your team. Annoying, awkward and cumbersome to play against but one cannot deny his positives when he is on your team. Yes, he got three yellow cards and he is going to get someone bad at some point but this is just a matter of time before this will be phased out of his game and out will blossom a very special player. The sooner it happens, the better for the rest of us.

I have seen a lot of games for more than a year but I have never seen such a complete performance from a team. It was an absolute treat to watch them play, pity I was in the other team. Oh well, there’s always next week!


Season 5: Game 2 Results

An absolutely classic for the ages which left no doubt that this was a great team selection and once more gave us a little bit too much to talk about! I will now take questions from the floor:

Rachit: Abey ye sab chod, whats the result?

Romy: The game will be a draw and everyone will be awarded 1 point. The league and rules were set in place well before and a heat of the moment decision gives the game a deserved end. But overall, we will call it a draw.

Sidd: Fuck you Romy what gives you the right to do this?

Romy: I believe in Unicorns and that makes me special.

Rajesh: Is Vicky taking ability enhancing substances?

Romy: 2 goals, best defender, infinite blocks, assists and interceptions with two arguably man of the match performances. Whatever he is taking, I hope he continues to do so! Best player on the pitch these days. Full Stop.

Aman: I saw Sidd and Vicky fighting. Can you tell them to stop?

Romy: Grown men fight and hopefully these two will sort it out before one gets injured. Saying 1-1 after fouling someone is borderline petulant and one hopes a middle aged man can grow beyond these things. Saying that, fouling a keeper is also not very nice and all should try not to charge at keepers in the box!

Bharat: There was a crazy man screaming all the time! I think I have an ear block. Can you help?

Romy: Rachit was happy and this lovable care-bear was very happy yesterday. He literally screamed the first goal of the game which personally I thought was unfair as screaming at an incoming player disturbs concentration. Even when he was keeping, shouting for a ball when coming out when an attacker is coming in, puts the attacker off. This is an irrefutable fact. Screaming is fine but when you are a couple of yards away from a player is disturbing. Thankfully, Valentine’s day is over and we do not have to worry about Rachit’s screaming for another year.

Rahul: Why am I being royally screwed every week?

Romy: Last week we took his handball which he saw away when the game was 4-4 and now we take his points away from penalty. You got me here bud, apologies from my side and hopefully in the coming weeks we can do better by you.

Rachit: I don’t scream, I just have a manly voice compared to your girly voice Romy!

Romy: Be nice.

Rachit: Anyways, where did Chigu get that sexy green outfit. Green is my secret favorite color and I could not concentrate!

Romy: You can buy the outfit at all leading malls in Dubai you closet fab…Dil Dil…

Swappy: I still have not scored !

Romy: We know but you are related to Piyush so we wont say anything about you not scoring for three weeks. But we never said we wont type it!

The Huss: In the FA Cup there are replays or penalties! Why not here?

Romy: This is not the FA Cup.

Sidd: You cannot get away with this Romy, Karma will get you!

Romy: Dude you are in my life. Karma already got me.

Thanks all for reading and apologies for the confusion. This is a league make no mistake about it.

Chirag and The Huss will have their catch-up cards changed to next week due to this confusion.



Season 5, Game 1 Review

There was a storm at All Star Sport and it was called The First Game of Season 5. Not to beat around the bush but this game could have been won by any-side.

  • Sachin-Swappy-Piyush-Rachit-Vicky-Romy = 3 Points
  • Bharat-Rajesh-Rahul-AK-Abhi = 1 Point
  • Sidd = 1 Yellow Card = 0 Points

Highlights of Game 1

  1. Sidd went down with a twisted ankle and sat out the game almost getting three points.  In the short time he played, he picked up a yellow card for being over-friendly with Rachit.
  2. Bharat was picked on by Sidd and it finally dawned on Bharat what we all at football knew – Sidd wanted a sister…
  3. Vicky is an action packed defender who pretty much helped his team break-up play and block shots like a man possessed. Man of the match for me!
  4. Rachit is the best man to have your team when a season starts. He has now won every game he has played the first time in each season. He had goals, assists, interceptions and blocked shots in one game!
  5. Controversy: The hand-ball at 5-5 from Vicky which I personally thought came off Abhi. Rahul & Abhi had a valid point here and it makes the case for a referee as the game is so fast that sometimes in the moment different opinions can sour the moment. The way Rahul & Abhi handled it was all class and appreciated very much.
  6. Piyush settled another game with the final goal of the match. Sachin’s defending is the second half is the most under-rated thing in football as he broke up play three times in the oppositions half and had two blinding assists!
  7. Swappy man-marking AK was a feather in Swap’s cap and helped his team win. Good stuff!
  8. That drop kick almost went in by Abhi by the way!




Season 5: Game 1 Team News

Season 5

Season 5 opens with an absolute doosra as the game will be a rapid fire 6 versus 6. With plans being changed at the last minute, a cliffhanger is on the cards with a dynamic permutation of players!



  • Reserve Players: Bobby, Nics
  • Cancelled: Chirag

Logic and Explanation:

With only two regular defenders playing this week, they have been kept part as one team has The Wall, Rajesh versus the Human Dynamo, Vicky. Both teams will be pressured to find the second defender and rotation will be key in this tactical battle for the first game of the season.

Team 1 has the dribble, stamina and regular keeper plus Swappy as player of the season works symbiotically with the Sach & Piyush connection.

Team 2 has the raw power and more rotational choices plus has Rajesh who was (and still is!) the best defender of last season. Rajesh synergises well with AK as both share a telepathic connection on the pitch.

Bonus cards are available for this game.

Season 5 Rules & Regulations


The new season starts with the fading memory of Rachit holding aloft a deserving trophy for season 4. He received various plaudits from across the globe:

“What a Man” – Sachin

“Legend” –  Sidd 

*He won cos he worksout with determination, dedication & devotion” – Romy

The new season will begin with huge changes in-store focusing on reducing injuries, hassle of picking, captains incapable of picking. The rules are as below:

  1. This is a 14 game season – league style.
  2. Wins = 3 Points, Loss = 1 Point, Draw = 1 Point.
  3. Each player has TWO BONUS CARDS they can use: Win = 5 Points, Loss = 0 Points, Draw = 1 Point. If you feel this game week, you have a great team use you BONUS CARD!
  4. Yellow Card = -1 Point, Red Card = -2 Points, Late = -1 Point. Late is defined as game has started and the person was missing.
  5. If you injure a player, you leave the pitch as well till the player returns. This only counts for that game week.
  6. Players will be picked by the admins to make sure a balance is there every week. In case of someone not showing up on game day, teams will be re-picked before the game.

Additional Rules

  1. No wearing football studs.
  2. Respect the referee. Their decision is final.
  3. Admins for Season 5: Piyush-Rachit-Rajesh-Romy.

Please leave your views in the chat for suggestions and positive criticism. Good Luck.

Season 4 Game 2: Rachit v Hussey

Another week, another massacre! There seems to be a trend here but take nothing away from the best ever performance from a 6-side footy team. Sensational passing, silky finishing and unbelievable defending were the secret recipe of this incredible team. It was a delight to all except the opposition who can just lick their wounds and come back stronger next week!

Ratings out of 5

Rachit (5) Piyush (5) Rahul (5) Rajesh (5) Abhi (4.5) Swappy (5)

Mo (3.5) AK (3.0) Vicky (2.5) Hussey (2.5) Sachin (3.5) Romy (0.5)

Flop of the Week: Romy has now conceded more goals than there are states in India, well almost. Another shocking abysmal performance and should be ready to take some abuse for this performance. Scandalous.

Star of the Week: Rachit for being a stupendous captain, Swap for quietly doing his business, Rajesh for being a colossus at the back, Abhi for some brilliant saves towards the end, Rahul for some delightful passing and scorching finishes and Piyush for breaking up opposition play, feeding passes and absolutely scoring some screamers! Take your pick for Man of the Match for me all of them were!

Sidd Corner: Admit it all, we missed him! Game was quiet without him guess now I understand why South Indians like spicy food! We all need a little Sidd in our lives don’t we ?

Yellow Cards: Vicky

Late Comer: None!

The rating are different from the points system so please do not get confused folks!